Sunday, July 19, 2009

About that list...

A certain item has been nagging me for the last 9 months. Namely, that list I drew up of things I had wanted to do by graduation.
It started out as a list of things I've always wanted to do, but found excuses to not to. When it was first written, I was excited to get started, go forth, seize the day, and all that jazz. Mental images of me carpe dieming at TIFF and bungee jumping were still fresh in my mind as I tried to plan the first items to be completed. But as I planned, I still found myself making excuses.
"Oh that will get me arrested."
"That will never work!"
"...Why is this even on the list?!"
"It's too cold/hot/windy/breezy/sunny for that..."
"I bet the squirrels will eat all the balloons, and choke and die.."
At a fantastic 6 months later, I tried to appease the nagging feeling by completing one item. I planted a tree, with SAVE no less. Interestingly, while planting the tree, I did not feel like I was accomplishing a life goal. Or, more accurately, if it was indeed my life goal, it would imply that I make some shitty life goals.

The more I thought about the list, the less excited I was to complete it. Bungee jumping seemed less and less exciting and more and more suicidal, as it seemed that I misjudged the heights I would be falling. Of course, some of the items on the list still seemed to be an exciting prospect, but they were easy targets anyway. Drive in movie? 15 minutes away, really.

I suppose I've just lost interest in my endeavour. I've changed, but my list has remained static. Everything changes all the time, and I suppose who I am now is not quite the same as who I was 9 months ago in an English class, bored out of my skull trying to discuss short stories. Part of the reason I wrote the list was so that I could go out and be more exciting. Well, I've done a lot of exciting things since, none of which happen to be on this list.

But, all of this rambling is just to soften the blow when I say "I am not going to force myself to complete this list." or in other words, I'm not following any lists. I'm going to go seize what I want, with no timeline whatsoever. Of course, that doesn't mean I'm going to avoid doing anything on the list, I'm just not trying to smoosh it all into the next year.

TL;DR I've changed, I'm not doing my list anymore

also: New theme! To suit the summer, though I guess I'm a little behind for that.
also: MOTHER, if you are reading my blog. Please stop. It's weird.

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