Tuesday, June 23, 2009


"Oooa" Said the squash
"Hi" Said Jimmy
"Oooa" Said the squash, quite persistently.
"What a foul mouthed squash!" Said Jimmy's mother, frowning with distaste as she quickly led Jimmy away.
"Oooa" Said the squash.

Thus, the squash avoided being consumed for another day. But this was not the type of life the squash had hoped for.

In its youth, the squash was the brightest of his class, a rising star. It was quite proficient in the linguistic arts, and was quite creative with its insults. After high school it was accepted into a prestigious university, and decided to major in Offensive Vernacular. This, was considered by many a waste of such brilliance. A squash, the first of its kind to be accepted into this university, studying such a useless major? A shame! But none the less, the squash persisted, and graduated at the top of the class. It moved in with some of its new friends to a smallish apartment in the area populated by graduates.

This was a new start for the squash, and its mind was filled with bright new ideas about decorating the new apartment, purchasing furniture, and things of that sort. But, first, it needed employment. With a degree from such a well know school, who would reject it? Alas, the job offers did not come flying in, so the squash decided to go out and meet its fate.

However, it soon discovered that finding a job with a degree in the offensive arts was much more difficult than it previously thought. Turns out, no one wanted to hire a squash to swear at things, in fact, no one wanted to hire a squash at all. Eventually, it began falling behind on its rent payments, and got kicked out by its friends.

"We're tired of you, you deadbeat!" they said, as they hurled his stuff out the window. And so, the squash sadly rolled away.

It tried begging for change, but no one had sympathy for a squash. In a last ditch attempt, it tried to gain employment at the grocery store. But. alas, it was mistaken for produce, and promptly placed amongst the other squash. It was surrounded by its lesser cousins, and whittled its days away plotting an escape. Days and weeks passed as it planned, and it felt itself progressively loosing freshness. This is a crucial part of its plan, if it can avoid being eaten long enough, the employees will have no choice but to set it free again. Soon, it will be free, but for now, the squash waits.

"My what a delicious looking squash"

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