Sunday, April 19, 2009

Thank you for ruining sexy cars.

The other day, I saw the most stereotypical scene I have ever seen in my life.

The middle aged man driving a sexy car with his trophy wife/secret girlfriend/hired prostitute

Namely, he was driving a Maserati down the street with a blonde lady possibly in her 30's (or just denial..) that was heavily made up and adorned in jewelery in a manner that only a person with too much time and shallowness could accomplish. Namely, she looked like she escaped from the huge beach houses of SoCal to come live in this suburban hell hole.

What makes it worse is that the license plate read "SWEEET"

I bet the midlife crisis is all it's cracked up to be.

BUT that is not my point here. It just happens that every time you think of an awesome looking sporty convertible, you invariably end up picturing a middle aged man in the drivers seat. Probably balding a bit, a little lecherous looking, some wrinkles from squinting into the sun because he's too cool for sunglasses, and maybe a leather jacket to add to his persona. He probably drives like an asshole, drinks starbucks, and works a boring but well paid job.

Why so detailed? Because people fall into stereotypes all the time. Everyone complains about being stereotyped, but stereotypes exist for a reason. The alcoholic that stumbles around yelling things at trees while peeing into a garbage can? Probably true. The yuppies that no longer know how to make their own food since they've chosen a career (don't get me started on "I don't have time to cook") who line up at Starbucks every morning to pay $5 for some crappy oatmeal prepared by a 15 year old. Also true.

Racial stereotypes can be insulting, but are often also true. Asians are pretty much cheap and concerned with what people think of them. Why do you think there's such a ridiculous market for fake designer goods in China? Because people pay for it. If you live in a trailer park, you're probably a red-neck. This can go on.. and on.. and on.. But I think you get the point. maybe?

Now the middle aged man is a special specimen. It seems that when ever males want to feel young again, they go out and buy something more suitable (in image) to a man in his 20's. It might be a sexy car, or a motorcycle or something more scandalous involving younger women. My neighbour got a motorcycle. The thing is, when a guy gets the sexy car, it is no longer just about the car. You have to cultivate an image. The sun-squint, the arm out the window while the roof is down so that the wind can caress what is left of your hair. Maybe with some loud music that will irritate all the other drivers, and always, the unnecessary speed/revving/being an asshole in the car.

Exibit A: the "SWEEET" License plate. In case no one noticed the 100 thousand dropped on the car, the license plate will tell you how you are supposed to feel about it. It's like the icing on the cake, or alternately, the salt in the wound. Almost a passive-aggressive jab at the rest of the world.

Exibit B: The stereotypical blonde in the passenger seat. Her hair was up in a casual, but definitely not messy, up do with neat, strategically placed curls on either side of her face. Of course, they weren't any curls, they were probably straightened and then curled to get maximun curl perfection. Just for a little drive down suburbia...

So, to all the males out there: For the love of FSM! Stop falling into the same old stereotypes! Have an interesting mid-life crisis for once, and go naked sky diving or something.

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