Saturday, March 28, 2009

Screw You Earth Hour!

Dear Shiying: Your lights are on, it is Earth Hour. WTFBBQ IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

I don't believe in Earth Hour! Why?
Well, It might have been a good idea. Sure, it supports the earth and what not, One hour's worth of electricity for an hour adds up, but it's the people that get me. Somehow, simply turning off lights gives people some kind of moral high ground. Last year, people actually walked around and insulted people who didn't turn off their lights. This year, I got a phone call from someone saying "your lights are on." BIG. WOOP. Turning off your lights does not make you a martyr. It means you turned off the lights. And part of Earth Hour seems counter-intuitive, when people turn off the lights, they light all the damn scented candles they've accumulated over the decades. All these candles are probably belching CO2 and bee poo into the air.

So, don't get all righteous with me. I don't care if you're driving a 10^9 mpg hybrid, eating only food grown within 2.4 km of your house, and absorbing CO2 with your pet tree. And neither does the rest of the world. Go ahead and do those things, just don't expect the world to bow at your feet for it.

Friday, March 27, 2009

A few things on my mind.

1) The search for "true love" or your "one and only" is nearly futile, or a fraud. If there was truly a "one and only" for every single person on this planet, the chances of finding them is 1: 3.6x10^9. Those are insane odds to go against. You could win the lottery almost 300 times with those odds. Alternately, this is no "one and only" and there are globs of people just like you, or the person you think you love. Again, out of 3.6x10^9 people, there is no way they are all unique. And that is why the odds of finding someone for you is slightly better than the previous proposed situation. However, this means that they are not as special as you believe. This also explains why widow(er)s go on to marry again or why people don't travel to every single continent in the search for true love. Perhaps I am being pessimistic, but I have math on my side.

2) Capitalism is the loss of faith in people. This is more of a reverse logic thinking on my part.. Communists, as horrible and oppressive as it sounds is really just a bunch of people who believe that everyone is equally good natured and hard working with consideration for their fellow citizens. Of course, it only takes a few assholes to destroy that mindset and turn the leaders of a communist revolution into a bunch of disillusioned people in high positions of power. And we all know what happens then... But Capitalism, the economy of the free, is a free for all. Where you squeeze as much money out of your family and friends because you can. Sure, you have ideas that will potentially save the children, solve global warming, and feed all the hungry people but can you make money off of it? Capitalism just assumes the poor folk were too lazy to work anyways and lazy people are not people in a capitalist society..

3) Modern day Medusa. What the hell, Shiying, you may ask, what are you blathering about now? Well. I have this.. thing floating in my head and it says that we all have a personal Medusa that turns us into stony, cold, people. Now, what I mean is: If we have enough exposure to something, no matter how sad or horrifying, we will get desensitized. And if it happens enough, then the immediate response to anything is always "photoshop." Think about those terrible World Vision commercials with all the poor little kids. Now, think about your reaction when you see that commercial. In all probability, you are not bursting into tears at the unfairness, but rather feeling a slight twinge of guilt for not being able to help. Some where out there, there is probably a short, stocky man arguing that the parents should not have had kids if they couldn't feed them/you can't help everyone/etc. Stony cold? I think so. But then again, who can look the ugly world in the eye and not turn to stone?

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

This house makes us all a little crazy.

A thought occurred to me earlier, but I forgot it.
So instead, I will entertain you with filler material designed to pacify you until a real post.

So, is it just me, or do you go pee a lot more often when you're sick?
Or maybe it's because I'm actually drinking water now.

water intoxication: A very real risk

I mean, I know people think it's hilarious when I say things like that, but when someone's passed out on the floor in a coma and/or dead from heart failure, no one's laughing anymore.
Remember kids, drink your water in moderation.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Thank you, Mighty spam bots!

mmmmmmm Spam.

My Dearest One,

It is my pleasure to contact you for a business venture which I intend to establish in your country. Though I have not met with you before but I believe, one has to risk confiding in someone to succeed sometimes in life. I am BRITNEY MAMADU , the only duaghter of late HADAMS MAMADU, from Sierra Leone in west africa.

There is this amount of SIX Million US Dollars ($6.000.000.00) which my late father deposited with a BANK in Abidjan Capital city of Cote d'Ivoire which he wanted to used for his political ambition in our Country before he was Assassinated. Now I have decided to invest this money in your country or anywhere safe enough outside my country for security and political reasons.

I want you to help us claim and receive this money which will be transferred to your safe bank account avoid any traces of the funds and to enable you plan for the investment in your Country. I will like to invest part of the money into these three investments in your Country but, if there is any other business that is better than my suggestion, I will be very glad to follow your advice.

1). Real estate
2). The transport industry
3). Five star hotel
If you can be of an assistance to me i will be pleased to offer to you 20% Of the total fund while the balance will be invested by you. I await your soonest response.

Respectfully yours,
BRITNEY MAMADU
-----------------------------------------------------

Spam me, please. I love spam. Spam Spam Spam...



p.s The description... "Whether you love it, hate it, or keep it as a pet, there's nobody out there who doesn't feel a little intrigued by a can of spam. Is it meat? Is it... umm... something other than meat? Could you fry it? Grill it? Use it for modeling clay? Texture your ceiling with it? "

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Scar... leg?

Well. here comes the "long awaited" part two of. Well. The last post.

Fun Fact: There's another scar on my chin. It's less prominent and smaller.
It was from 3rd or 4th grade when I slipped on some slippery tiles and bonked my chin on the floor, Here, I am using a loose form of "bonked" By "bonked" I really mean wacked my jaw bone on to the slippery floor with enough force to break skin. Luckily it didn't require stitches, just butterfly tape, so I am left with a normal looking scar. Unfortunately, it occurred right before my trip to Orlando. So, there was no swimming done at all, and all my pictures have me in some pose that hides the tape. Whats more sad was that I lost the teddybear I bought on the trip at disney world. damn you Mickey Mouse.

I also have another normal looking scar on my right wrist. You see, I was very depressed... I'm totally kidding, really, I am. I've had that scar as long as I can remember. It's about a centimetre long, and relatively faint. It's fairly mysterious, and every time I ask my parents, I just get a shrug and an unconcerned "Iunno". It's almost possible to think that I was a conjoined twin, joined at the wrist.. by a tiny piece of skin... But the key word here is almost, because my parents would tell me something like that, right? right?

Now, I don't know if anyone noticed, but I have a crazy scar on the back of my right leg. And by crazy, I mean it's like the one on my face, but weirder. It's quite short, just around 2 cm or so, but it's all bumpy and funny coloured. It was from the surgery I got in 3rd grade. Nothing exciting though, just cyst removal. This scar supports my hypothesis that cuts requiring stitches give me horrible scars. The fun part of the surgery was my mom feeding me KFC, and me puking 30 minutes later. (I'm totally kidding, the freezies you get upon regaining conciousness were the fun part)

Interestingly enough, a few years later, I get another cyst. On the same leg. On my ankle. But, I figure it's not worth the trouble of removal, so it's sitting there, looking lumpy.

And that pretty much sums up the scars that matter.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Plinkspiration: Scars

Well, I should probably preface this with: I scar easily. Every cut becomes a scar, so there are lots. I'll just talk about the ones that needed stitches, and the ones with funny stories.

Well, in case you didn't notice, there is a one inch scar around my chin that's all raised and bumpy.

Fun fact about me: All the scars that needed stitches are like that. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with my skin.

In any case, it happened when I was around 4 or so. I was living with my grandparents/aunt off in Shanghai, and we were visiting my great aunt and her family. So, My cousins and I were off in some room playing with a globe sitting on someone's dresser. I decided to jump on the bed to get a better look, and of course, when you put a 4 year old on a bed, she will jump. As I was jumping on the bed, I fell into the wall. Unbeknownst to me, someone had put a sheet of broken glass in the space between the bed and the wall (why? don't ask me). So, it was quite the shock when I got up and had a profusely bleeding chin. So, off I go to the hospital, which is mostly closed and sketchy as hell. Apparently, someone in my family has "connections" (again, Skeeetchy) and got me some "really good" surgeon. He sews up my chin, while I was mostly coherent, in regular thread, not that crazy dissolving stuff. This was and old school hospital.

Well, when I returned to my aunt's house, I discovered that I had quite an amusing goatee from the thread. So, when it was supposed to be healing under the bandage, I was peeling the bandage and giggling. I was mighty disappointed when I had to get it removed 2 weeks later. Fast forward a few months, I return to my parents. They've heard about the incident, but didn't expect the scar to be so.. IN YOUR FACE. And oh, it was. It was magenta for around 4 years, and then faded to a pink which stuck around for 3 or so years, and then faded to a normal tone, though still all bumpy and shit. Now a days, it looks like it's trying to leave my face quietly, which would be nice.

In addition to screwing up my chin, it left some nerve damage, which currently means I can't pull down the left side of my mouth. Before, it meany my entire face was crooked. Yes, all of it. Of course, I never noticed it much, but every single specialist I ever saw liked to point it out. I have no idea if all those visits paid off though. Years of vitamin E, weird gluey patches, creams, a suggested surgery (it seemed counter effective. If I scar weird, surgery would take me back to my crazy magenta scar) and taping aloe vera to my chin (yes, I did. But only when I was sleeping) it faded on what I presume was its own accord.

Since this has turned into a massive TL;DR, I'm going to shut up now, and do the rest some other time.